Week 37 | the “birth plan”, an oxymoron

We are settling into the notion that you are now what the docs consider “full term”, sweet child of ours. With that said, we’re also realizing that we are what others more practically may report as (insert appropriately placed air-quotes),  “ready”.

Part of this groundwork process is getting “the bag” prepared – contents to include comfy, non-pre-preggo clothes (so that momma doesn’t go postal trying to fit in pre-pregnancy jeans upon leaving the hospital), iPhone doc & speakers (so daddy-O doesn’t go neurotic remembering how to breathe), and other odds & ends that seem important now but will likely have no bearing on whether or not you come out a human.

Another recommendation among the plethora o’ suggestions via the mouths of those who find entitlement to provide their opinion (i.e., any woman who has had the opportunity of growing an miniature earthling in a personalized abdominal petri dish or any person who has a heartbeat for that matter) is to have a copy of the “birth plan” in said bag. This is a list of considerations and requests that the birthing family has for the dreamily perfect delivery. We have created such a plan, and since your momma has some issues, instead of only one copy, we have 15…just in case the entire first string of Oregon Ducks choose to enter the birthing room.

Baby Stegall’s BIRTH PLAN

steeglette’s birth plan (.pdf)

1. DADDY-O STATES THE GENDER

When baby Stegall goes from water mammal to air-breathing and the gender is apparent for the world to see…please, fight the urge to announce the gender, show the baby to Mark (the daddy-O) and let him be the one to tell Cathi (the momma) if it is a boy or girl Stegall.

2. FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

Please, no person without a medical license (MD, RN, etc) should be allowed past Cathi’s waist during delivery.

3. CALLING THE SHOTS

When the window of opportunity approaches for an epidural, please let Cathi know well in advance in order for momma & daddy-O to make an educated and rational decision not based on heroism (or idiocy for that matter).

4. KEEPIN’ IT CLEAN

As much as we want to love and hug on the kiddo once it finally arrives, please wipe it down prior to placing it on momma’s tummy – I’d rather have my first interaction with baby Stegall to be one free of ick and full of happiness.

Other:

On the off chance that baby Stegall chooses to make face-time via C-section, please adhere to birth plan #1…this is VERY important to us.

All other decisions are open for negotiation for the best interest of baby & family.

Well, that’s that. If we don’t see your face before next Friday, the doc is going to go in there and fetch it. So, ready or not, steeglette…here we come!

• Baking time: 37wks
• cravings: an occasional mcD’s cheeseburger…it may be b/c of the onions…which seems ironic, since that has been a previous aversion in this chronicle of ours
• aversions: toothpaste – I’m still barfing about x2/wk…and most of the time it’s while brushing my teeth. So, Listerine and mentos gum have become my in lieu of routine, when Crest just won’t do. So know how much your daddy-O loves me b/c he still kisses this not-so-little mrs.
• added inches to the precious waistline: 16…Child! 16 inches! Alright, so, it may be less of your fault and more to blame on the aforementioned cravings.
• Lessons learned: Lie to me.
  I don’t care if it’s the truth or not…I love hearing things like “you’re so cute”, “you’re all belly”, “you’re going to be awesome parents”, “here have another slushie”.

Week 35 | initiating the descent

Well, steeglette of ours, after today’s appt, we now know you’ve started the long and lovely journey down the chute (momma’s beginning to ripen and dilated at 1). I was quite confident this was approaching, since every time I sneeze, it feels like you’re going to come flopping out like a greased guppy, which in itself would be a momentous occasion. This fear of your floppage also has initiated “the waddle”. This, my sweet one is the humble walk of a woman who is in the family way and afraid to pee in public. It’s sexy, I know.

In other news, your daddy-O slept on the couch last night due to my “heavy breathing”/code word for angel breath, I’m sure.

Oh, and we found out you’re approximately 7lbs 3oz today; although the accuracy can go at least a pound IN EITHER DIRECTION – child, if you come out the size of a teenager, I’m returning your for a new bike. And I don’t even like bikes.

• Baking time: 35wks
• cravings: nada. I still crave fruit…but there currently isn’t anything that would make me do a cartwheel in a tutu and flip flops in the sand. And I’m completely ok with that.
• aversions: anything that can or may induce heartburn. They say that momma’s w/ heartburn have kids w/ lots of hair. Sorry to say, steeglette, you’re a gorilla.
• added inches to the precious waistline: we’re still hovering around 14.5”, but we’ve begun the droppage, hence the looks of pity and hilarious comments about “popping”…which honestly do make me laugh – my active imagination goes places with the idea that I could deflate with the press of my now outie belly button.
• Lessons learned: “There are few greater miraculous moments than the first time you see that baby”…courtesy of our gas station attendant.

see you soon!