Reluctantly mulling over the posts I could write in my tiny little satchel of drafts, I’m pulling from an archive of sorts…this post was originally typed but a few weeks ago and hand written in a book my sisters and I created for my mom as her retirement gift. I’ve chosen not to make a sad attempt at re-creating the square-shaped wheel…ERGO, here I choose to share my heart with you.
As I grasped your finger moments after I was born, did I know that this would be one of the most valued relationships I would ever experience? Did the sound of your voice and the way you say your S’s warm my spirit as it does now? Did I breathe in deep breaths just to inhale the soft smell of honeysuckle as you rocked me underneath the elephant picture? Did I watch your mouth as you spoke and take in the beauty of your mannerisms just as I did when you would read Hind’s Feet on High Places to me? Did I know that these would be the best memories that stick to the corners of my mind like a ribbon holding together a gift?
As I snuck into your room late at night after daddy fell asleep, did I know that as I tried to synchronize our breathing that I re-defined home to a feeling and not a location?
As I clung to you in the swimming pool from the moment you got in until our fingers pruned, did I recognize the impact that had on the way I communicate love?
When you accepted my best friend as family, enough to proceed to adopt her as our own, did I see this was a reflection of your love for me?
When you would send us back to a recently cleaned room to scan it with “mother’s eyes”, did I know how it would reflect in the way I keep my home now?
As I rebelled against everything I knew was right, did I realize there was unconditional love ringing in my heart a melody, calling me back home?
When I sat with my head in your lap crying over lost love and betrayal, did I know your hand through my hair was my string of hope?
As I prayed with you to give my heart, soul, mind, spirit and all that I am to Jesus, did I realize that your immediate forgiveness was the escort to that surrendering prayer?
When I’d call you to virtually place your hand on my head when I was sick or pray with me when I felt stuck in a cult, did I know then that your voice was my guide to perseverance and hope?
When you walked with me down the aisle, did I recognize that your love for my daddy was the strongest example in leading me to love my husband completely and unreservedly?
As I write this letter to celebrate your retirement, am I in tears, recognizing the impact your life, love, endurance, faith, hope and spirit have on my life, choices and character?
Momma joj, you are my mother and my best friend.
I RISE AND CALL YOU BLESSED.