vlog 5 | “did you scream like a girl?”

Kudos to miss mandy mac for today’s vlog challenge contribution…

Have you ever been in a hurricane?

If you’re really interested…here’s the antithetical, divergent entry to my 500 word per post limit…I wrote this in October 2005 after we experienced hurricane Wilma. This was my non-traditional coping mechanism of sorts…

We didn’t want The Big Bad Wolf to come over for breakfast, lunch or dinner!  We even placed huge metal barricades over our doors and windows to keep her from coming into our concrete house or even stepping foot onto our lawn.  However, people started calling and telling us she’s coming anyway—it was even on the news!  An uninvited guest is no fun, one as obtrusive as The Big Bad Wolf…that’s a complete drag!  Mark and I decided that there has to be safety in numbers, so we headed over to his parent’s stick built house to hunker down while The Big Bad Wolf intruded our entire city.

I woke up around 4:30 am and heard her strong voice in the distance.  In my mind, I figured she was just a figment of everyone’s imagination…let me just pretend she’s not coming and we’ll be fine—a realist at heart.  I grabbed my earplugs and went right back to sleep.

Well, needless to say, The Big Bad Wolf came to the house.  At 8:30, I woke up, took out my earplugs, removed my facemask (I’m a princess sleeper) and saw she turned the electricity off and the house was no longer silent.  The Big Bad Wolf was at our house, knocking on our door.  She was indeed huffing and puffing…we feared the worst.  The entire family gathered in the living room, including our kittens.  We had two views of the outside world.  One was the teeny, tiny black and white battery powered television with an antenna 2 feet long, and the other was a section of the French doors that wasn’t covered by a shutter.

Her voice was deep for a woman.  So deep it felt as though it shook the entire house.  We could watch the trees break like toothpicks when she blew.  I heard a loud crash and went to the window to see that she crabbed the concrete block which was over the fireplace flue and threw it at our house.  Oh the nerve!

“She’s coming in very strong now,” said the somewhat effeminate anchorman. “If you feel your home is too weak to stand her force, go into your safe-room and remain there until you’re out of harm’s way.”  This was certainly not the comforting news I wanted to hear.

She was relentless.  Her breath pounded on every wall in the house.  The entire family walked around the stick built house, flashlight in hand, checking all of the windows and doors…water was coming into the house.  We grabbed every towel, washcloth and rag and placed them around each leaking crevice.  As I was helping my mother-in-law place towels under the front door, we heard the sound of cracking wood.  The two large wooden front doors were bowing against her incessant pounding.  We knew if the doors would open and let The Big Bad Wolf into our house, the pressure of her presence would rip the roof right off of us.  Just pray.

Soon silence came.  It seemed as though she got our message and left town.  However, by this time, I believe I knew The Big Bad Wolf pretty well, and she was persistent.  She’ll be back.  We opened the back door and hesitantly stepped outside to survey the damage she managed to wreck on the property thus far.  It was bad.  Trees completely uprooted and tossed to the other side of the acre.  The metal shed was picked up and thrown like a toy into the neighbor’s yard.  The metal fence was no longer standing upright.  Entire sections of roof tiles lie scattered across the lawn.  Yet, we could look to the sky and see she was surrounding us.  Though the sun was shining, but we could see her body undulant dancing in circles around our city.  We knew we only had minutes until The Big Bad Wolf returned to make an effort to enter the house one more time.

Same story, same song…her strong voice, destructive blows and raunchy breath seemed to overcome all hope!   “She’s trying to get into our truck!”  Mark said.  I ran to the window and saw that she grabbed the gutter from the house, came into the carport and was beating our truck with it like a baseball bat!  Mark just wouldn’t take that kind of audacity.  He and his dad opened the back door and crouched down low, to avoid being seen by The Big Bad Wolf and getting blown away.  They grabbed the gutter from her grasp and tied it to the truck so she couldn’t beat it any more.  I was watching through the French doors and saw that she wasn’t too thrilled that they took away her toy.  Like an angry child, she picked up a handful of sand and threw it at Mark and his dad.  The sting of the sand and rain made them run faster into the house.

She must have been irate, because her second attempt at entering the house was much stronger than her first.  We grabbed the flashlights and towels and did the rounds again, checking each window and door for more water.  “Get some Tupperware; she’s come into the attic.”  Mark’s dad grabbed the dishes from each outstretched hand and strategically placed them under each saturated section.  The Big Bad Wolf was determined now.  We continued our survey of the windows and doors.  The French doors leading to the master bedroom were beginning to bow to the breaking point.  Mark and his dad came to the rescue once again and held their weight against the doors until about 2 pm, when The Big Bad Wolf finally got the message and left our city.

It was silent once again.  The fallen trees now lying helplessly on the ground, the metal shed which was once in the neighbor’s lawn was picked up an thrown into someone else’s backyard.  Complete havoc.  It was the overwhelming feeling of being buried alive.  You know you have to do something and you’ll even die trying.  The family walked as a battalion to the place where the shed once stood and grabbed rakes and shovels from the rubble.  The grinding hum of chainsaws filled the air and the hard work began.

The Big Bad Wolf did come to our city, she did overtake the yard and the house…yet she did not come in.  She ran away with her tail between her legs and was soon overtaken by the cold Atlantic water to be seen no more.


11 thoughts on “vlog 5 | “did you scream like a girl?”

  1. Has anyone ever mentioned you two are cute???

    Q: I want a vlog about the origin of your wedding ring. Cuz I can’t stop looking at it and it seems old and I want a story about it.

    You could make one up if you have to, but a story about the ring would be fun 🙂

  2. heyThanx, miss mandy mac…i thought you’d appreciate that one, my fellow high-maintenance sleeper!

    Taminator…happy BirthMonth, muffin cake!!!! And yeah, this was mark’s covert way of expressing gratitude 🙂

    Hi Mandy.

    Lece…I know, I know…the story was full of craziness, and it didn’t even tell half of what happened! That storm was relentless! Oh, and thanks for your message on mark’s facebook…that made me crack up!

    Sara…”has anyone ever mentioned you two are cute”…is that a question for submission, eh? We could have fun w/ that one!!!! But I’d love to share the story of my rings…and I’d even be happier to make up one…we’ll see where that one goes!!! Great ideas!!!!

  3. I’m starting to have vlog withdraws.

    No pressure or anything… I’m just sayin’… a vlog would be fun… you know, whenever… or maybe today…


  4. oh sara…sorry for the withdrawal…i have a few cognitive tests I can run to see how those withdrawals are affecting your overall competence and functioning… 😉

    hey markley! Thanks – I’m in the midst of putting together a vlog about the rings…it’s taking a while to whittle it down to 30 seconds though…so in the meantime, there’s an entire movie about it – however that one has something to do w/ a short dude w/ hairy feet, and the ring has special powers. But hey, maybe you’ll like it after all!

    Daddy…you’re so right…we’ll have to find out and why not do it w/ a vlog! Love you muchly!

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