I have had many-a-wonderful understanding persons grace my ever-growing presence. Although, little one, I must share that there is one individual in particular who has chosen to give me a piece of her mind with nearly every single encounter
& for your bathroom reading pleasure…
You should stop wearing heels. You’re killing your back.
Don’t drink that tap water. Get yourself a filter for your office.
That microwave is on. Go into another room; it will hurt the baby.
You should really lay off the potatoes.
So, little steeglette, according to aforementioned geyser of unsolicited knowledge, your momma is going to be quite the fatty w/ a broken back, and you, sadly, are a child-turned-Cyclopes, who has a tail and antlers.
Thank you. And good night.